Blogmas Day 4: Dating Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

“Love is blind.”

I know you’ve heard that before. To be honest, I did not know what this meant until I fell in love and when I fell out of love, I realized just how true these words are. I look back at all the relationships I’ve been in and wonder what exactly I was thinking through them all. I have shared most of my experiences with you, and I’m sure sometimes you’re left thinking, “Enyewe this chic was stupid!”

Also, if you date me, you might just find yourself as a subject for one of my blogs.

(That’s on a light note. I don’t mean to chase anyone 🙂)

Now, look back to that time you had just gotten into a new relationship. How did you feel – other than love?

There was this relationship I got into with so much excitement. The guy was TDH and so much more. Even though he didn’t have a clear vision, I saw past that. Then he quit his job and started asking for money from me, and at first, I didn’t mind at all. Then, every time I would invite him for a function, he would always come up with an excuse as to why he couldn’t attend. At first, I bought those excuses. The final straw came when I invited him for a function where he would have met my parents, and he didn’t show up. I was super mad. And that’s when my eyes were opened.

That’s when it ended.

I looked at every disappointment, and the red flags were just so clear – I just didn’t see them because love or whatever was blinding me.

In some of the relationships I have been in, there are some scenarios I have seen play out again and again – things that leave me wishing I had followed my head, and not my heart.

They are always just busy

I am a person who thrives in communication – not only with my partner but with my friends as well. So when I wake up I am that person who will call you, and also before I sleep. I would call this guy every day before I went to sleep and each time, he would not pick up. He would call during weird hours and say how he was busy and all. Well, his time of work and my time of sleep were around the same time, and I understood. Until I realized if he wanted to make time to talk to me, he actually could.

To be honest, we are all busy. And if someone cannot set aside a few minutes to talk to you or a few hours to meet you, you are too busy for that. You deserve more. Even the busiest people make time when they really like someone.

They aggressively criticize someone…particularly an ex

In a relationship, you will probably get to talk about your previous relationships and all. However, if a person seems to be trashing their ‘crazy ex’ and feels so comfortable doing that, think about how someday the tables could be turned on you.

In every relationship, it takes two to make it, and two to break it. Also, action brings reaction so there has to be some accountability on both ends. Your partner may have been acting a certain way to bring out the ‘crazy’ ex behavior, and you might just be their next ‘crazy’ ex.

They lay on the compliments and the romance too quick

I’ve been in a relationship where we were friends for a week before becoming girlfriend and boyfriend. It moved so fast, and if it were not for my unsure state, I have no idea where we would be now. The question that always came up was, “Why wait? What are we waiting for?”

I have learned to be very cautious. You guys barely know each other, and although there are those of the opinion that you will never know your partner well enough until you are married, don’t be in a rush.

This could be a sign of neediness or even an early sign of controlling behavior.

They say things that don’t quite add up

I have been through this in not only my romantic relationships but my relationships with friends and even colleagues.

Someone once told me a story that just didn’t add up in my head. I later asked them why they lied and well, they couldn’t remember the story I was talking about. (Keeping up with one’s lies is hard lol).

I have learned to believe myself every time I have a tingling sense that someone’s story does not add up.

Listening to your gut will help you to avoid dating mistakes and the potential heartache that can result from falling for someone who isn’t who they say they are. You don’t need to do the research, you don’t need to stick around to learn more, just trust your instincts that you’re sensing something isn’t quite right. If they are lying about little things, what else could they be lying about?

They refuse to make your relationship public

By refusing to make your relationship public, I don’t mean they refuse to post your relationship on social media. I’m talking about them introducing you to their friends, as well as you introducing them to your friends or family.

This one guy I dated never wanted me to introduce him to my friends and all. He even sent me a song that talked about how nobody sees and knows that we are secret because he wants to keep me close to him and all. The stupid me, nikaingia box. Turned out he was dating someone else that everyone knew about, but me.

So beware. How will you move forward in your relationship when you are a secret?

What have your experiences in relationships been like? I’d love to know!

Until next time, all my love

 

 

Let's be friends. Let's hang out every week, catch up, and just have a good time. PS: Tell a friend to tell a friend where we meet 🙂

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