The year was… Well, I can’t really remember the year. Oh! Wait, yes. It was 20- something. (Oh memory, why are you failing me at this time when I need you most?)
Anyway, so yes. I was singing in the church choir and this guy kept on checking me out. W ended up exchanging contacts and the rest, as they say, is history.
That wasn’t what I meant though.
I was about seven when I had a first encounter with him. Hearing people talk about him, he seemed like a really cool guy. I couldn’t wait to meet him, talk to him and share everything. I wanted him as a best friend.
Well, I didn’t really understand the magnitude of it all until when I was a little older and came to realize once I got into a relationship with him, it would be for life. Not that I would be tied down or anything. No. If I left, or disappointed him, it would be tough on him. It would hurt him big time.
That is when I decided to take him as mine.
Sadly, it wasn’t long after that, that I ended up hurting him. I didn’t really realize it then because I was out having so much fun that nothing mattered. When I got to be myself and sobered up, it hit me just how much of a wreck I was.
By this time it had been close to two years of ignoring him. Every time he moved closer, I would move further away. I guess I was filled with shame but never really wanted to admit it then.
It took being at a really low point in my life for me to realize just how much I had caused him.
When I went to look for him and apologize, he was at the same place he had been all along. Waiting for me to come back.
“Why, why are you still with me?
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it’s here I see the truth I don’t deserve you…
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing you away from me
I just never saw how much you could cherish me
Cuz you’re a God who has all things
And still you want me…”
These words from Barlow Girl’s I Need You to Love Me, kept ringing in my head. This is when I realized…
That God is a God of second chances. Every time we fall, He lets us rise back again. Every time we lose track of His word, He is there to pick us up and lead us back to His eternal word.
Many times we do not deserve His love because of the things we have done. No matter how hard we try to run away, He will be at the end of it waiting for us with open arms. Because of His everlasting love, we are cleansed and washed anew. He is the greatest love of all, just as love is the greatest gift of all.
Happy Belated Valentine’s my people!❤