I was scared about putting my work out there. Even after a few years of blogging, I have unsure moments every time I upload a post. In this moment, my biggest worry is that I am not smart enough or not productive enough. I’ll tell myself that I’m not smart enough to pass my assignments, while other days, I’m convinced that any success I’ve had was some form of luck (not my own skills and hard work). I know this comes as a shock 😅. There are also days I feel more confident. To be honest, it’s hard to avoid the fear of not being good enough.
The fear of not being good enough is common. No matter how much success we get, there come times when we doubt if we truly deserve it. And it’s not just in our professional lives: we might worry we’re not good enough in our relationships and friendships or as a parent. No matter how universal the feeling is, it doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) the norm. It’s harmful to our personal lives, professional goals, and, most importantly, our relationship with ourselves.
If you have been struggling with this feeling, here is how to get over the feeling of not being good enough.
Be honest and ask for help
If we just detached ourselves from social media a little bit, we would realize that no one has it all together, and very few people actually feel “good enough” every time they post. When one person is brave enough to share where they feel inadequate, everyone feels permission to do the same. Plus, when you ask a coworker for help with a skill you fall short in, lean on your significant other during a tough week, or open up to your best friend about your insecurities, you’d be surprised to find that no one else expects you to be perfect except you, and that falling short is actually normal. You are not “good enough” when you can do it all perfectly. You’re good enough as you currently are, knowing when to ask for help and being open about where you’re struggling.
Identify what you truly want out of life
When I find myself in comparison mode, I try to analyze my perception and reality. It may seem like my friend’s work is way better than mine, but how am I defining that? Is it because she has more Instagram followers or has a fancier website?
Success can mean so many different things, whether it’s the ability to have a flexible schedule or passion for what you’re doing. Someone else’s definition of success doesn’t necessarily have to be yours, and success rarely looks the same for everyone.
When you find yourself feeling lesser than out of comparison to other people, whether it’s their career, relationship, or body type, identify if what you’re comparing is genuinely what would make you happy. Happiness looks and feels different to everyone. Identify if these comparisons would actually matter to you or if you’re just caught up in the mindset of not being good enough.
Realize and remember the wins
When you find yourself comparing your behind-the-scenes to the perfectly-filtered highlight reel of someone else’s life, remember that everyone has private struggles, failures, and insecurities. There is no such thing as a perfect career, relationship, body, or life, so instead of focusing on where you inevitably aren’t “perfect,” focus on where you do have success. For every missed opportunity, mistake, or flaw, you have so much more to be proud of. When we’re swamped by where we fall short, we’re blind to everything we have going for us.
Take more time to notice your strengths, successes, and wins. Write them down and return to them when you need to.
Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best that you can 😊