Let me tell you a story…about how I met someone I thought was the one until he wasn’t (he is definitely not reading this, so we are safe 😅). 

Let’s go back to when it all began. This happened about six years ago. We were texting every day, going on dates whenever we could, saying “I love you,” after every phone call no matter how many times we talked and we had that connection. This is also the time I got to really be aware of what my love languages were.

Then, less than a year into our relationship, we had a fight. After that, I constantly had the nagging feeling at the back of my mind questioning whether he was the one, or whether I was wasting my time. To be honest, I was never sure and it was harder for me to admit he wasn’t because I knew it would lead to a breakup. 

I stayed on and chose to ignore the gut feeling I had.

The rest, well, is history…

Sometimes, it’s difficult to know something’s missing when you can’t put your finger on what it is. But, you deserve undeniable love and a happy lasting relationship.

If you’re not sure whether your person is really “the one”, read on to find out how you might just be forcing your relationship to work.  

You are hoping some things about them will change

What if this person you are with is amazing, treats you right, makes you happy and so much more but there’s just that one thing you feel they should change?

If you find yourself thinking this way, you are forcing the relationship. It’s hard to find someone with the exact values, beliefs, and attitudes as you, but if you feel like you have to change them to love them, it isn’t worth it.

If you can’t live with your differences, then let them go. They are not meant for you.

You are not on the same page

Some things have to give. If, for example, you want different things in life at that time and find it hard to come to an agreement, it may not be worth it.

Be clear on what you want out of that relationship because that determines how you will handle practically everything. If you feel you are forcing yourself to support them in what they want, don’t do it.

If you are on the same page, even when the relationship feels difficult (because it will), loving each other will not. But if something feels off, that’s because it is a forced relationship.

Source: Pexels/Alex Green

You defend your relationship to your friends who express concerns

It’s funny how one of my best friends never understood what I was doing with this guy especially because they had heard stuff about him.

To be honest, friends can be overbearing sometimes, but if the majority of your friends are constantly trying to explain to you that your relationship isn’t going anywhere and you totally ignore them, you’re probably forcing it.

Sometimes it can be hard to hear the truth from the people who love you the most but I believe that when it’s important, a good friend will take the heat from you. It’s up to you to hear their message. They just don’t want you to get burned.

You’re self-conscious 

I thought I was just quiet because well, I’m an introvert. But after getting out of that relationship, I realized that I had been self-conscious. 

If you’re with someone who you can’t be 100% yourself around, it is not a true partnership. Even if there is “a spark,” it’s chemistry between your significant other and a censored version of you. If the relationship is dependent on you walking on eggshells to make it work, it’s not worth wasting your time on.

You don’t trust them

Questioning your partner’s loyalty is the biggest red flag. If you don’t trust them, they are definitely not “The One”.

Also, it’s not just about trusting them to be faithful. Do you trust their opinions or even believe in who they are?

For me who values communication a lot, do they call when they say they will and make you feel safe when you’re apart?

If you said no, you might just be unknowingly forcing that relationship to work.

You don’t have a good friendship

Have you formed a friendship ama you were like me who just found themselves in a relationship pap!

If you’re not laughing, joking, and enjoying even unromantic time together your relationship might just be an illusion based on physical chemistry or relationship newness, but is not a lasting connection.

If you’re going to spend your life with someone, it better be the best friendship you’ve ever had.

You’re not growing to be a better person

I am a huge believer that being in a relationship should make you a better person.

If you are tearing each other down instead of bringing each other up, it’s probably better for you to become the best version of yourself outside of that relationship.

Find someone who makes you happy and treats you the way you need to be treated. Remember that genuine love can’t be rushed, and when you have it, you don’t even have to worry about whether you’re dating the right person or not.

You don’t spend much time together

Source: Pexels/Any Lane

Spending quality time together is one of the most important parts of a relationship. This is your special time to laugh and listen and have meaningful conversations (beyond a passing ‘How was your day?’).

If you find yourself spending less and less time together, or avoiding planning activities together, this could be a problem.

Are you forcing your relationship to work?