About 5 years ago, my then best friend and I had a disagreement that led to us completely cutting ties. It was so hard for me to understand how we had gotten into such a place, after, only days before, having so much fun together.
Because we had met through mutual friends, it was hard to simply pretend everything was okay when they would clearly see we were never in the same place anymore.
If you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of losing a friend, you know how it goes. It’s like losing a significant other, except people don’t treat it the same way.
It took me a while to really get over that friendship. If you have found yourself in such a situation, here’s how you, too, can get over the loss of a friendship.
Allow yourself to be emotional
I have this very wide smile, that, many times, hides most of my emotions – both good and bad. In one of my posts,I talked about how hard it is for me to be emotional because I consider it a sign of weakness, and I do not want people to see my weakness.
This was no different when it came to dealing with the loss of this particular friendship. I did not show emotion. When I was alone (which was very rare), I felt lonely, inadequate, and nostalgic. In public, I acted all normal. Looking back, maybe that is what made it take a while to get over it.
If the friend you lost was a close one, you are probably going to be upset. You might even cry, too. That’s normal! Allow yourself to feel these strong emotions and identify them. This way, you get a handle on yourself and how you are feeling.
Decide if the relationship can be salvaged
Sometimes, relationships end, and there isn’t really much you can do to fix it. On the other hand, some friendships can be saved.
At the time, I thought it could be salvaged. However, my friend did not think that at all. Although it was not my decision to make, I had to understand that and take a step back.
If the situation is one that might blow over after you both take some time for yourselves, you might be able to jump back in. In a different friendship that also ended because I just didn’t think it could be salvaged, we eventually discussed what happened and evaluated if that was a friendship worth saving. We saved it!
Choosing to stay friends with someone can be an amazing thing, but if the relationship was toxic, to begin with, or if it will lead in that direction, it might be best to just move on.
Try meeting new people
I know, we are living in a time where social gatherings are at a minimum. But there are other ways you can do this.
When I lost this friendship, I had no interest in making new friends – at least for a while. I would constantly tell myself that no one would measure up to them.
While having time for yourself is good after a best friend breakup, meeting some new people is also a good thing!
I ultimately met some really incredible people who actually pushed me and made me grow in ways I’d never imagined.
Don’t blame yourself
For a long time, I blamed myself for the end of that friendship. “What if…” was a question I battled with a lot until I realized that there was nothing that could be done. And that’s when I stopped blaming myself.
Life is a constant cycle of making and losing friends. It might take a while to find someone you ‘gel’ with, and that’s okay.
Social media detox
I would look through my friend’s profile just to see if they had unblocked me, and when they did, I would send a DM, only to be blocked again ?
I had to delete all my social apps for a while, just to allow myself not to do that. It gave me time to think about myself.
At the time, not seeing what everyone was doing, was necessary.
Don’t neglect your friends
Because we had so many friends in common, it was so hard at first for me to find the balance and still hang out with them without thinking of the friend that I had lost, or what my other friends knew about it all.
Truth is, we all need friends.
Just because one or two people aren’t in your life anymore doesn’t nullify all those other friendships you’ve made. Spend time with them, and get to know them better. You never know who will be there for you in this time or who might just become your next bestfriend. Bonding with other friends in times like these is both essential and a great way to get your mind off of everything else you’re feeling.
Fast forward to this year, and my friend and I finally talked about all that happened and picked up from where we left. I guess it was salvageable after all! ?
See You Next Week