No marriage is easy – that is what you will hear from those who are or have been married at one point in their lives.
Though difficult, what I know is that it is workable. (Is that a word, no?)
Through my eyes, I have seen how two very important people in my life have been able to hold it down for 25 years and counting. Mahn! That’s long.
How have they stayed together this long without getting bored? You should see them bond over little things even today.?
Here’s what I have observed and learned from them over the years:
(Lord when I grow up)
- It is lovely to be loved in spite of your flaws – Every time I think of how full of flaws I am and how much I am loved, I feel special. Knowing that you are loved despite being imperfect will make you very comfortable and allow you to be open with your partner.
- It takes a long time to really know each other – No matter how long you date someone, there is that one thing that you may not know about them. Knowing someone is progressive.
- Marriage isn’t always 50/50 – When you get into a relationship giving 50%, you will disagree on so many levels. You will have expectations that will not be fulfilled. Get into it with your all and it’s going to be easier.
- Share the work – There’s no duty that cannot be done by either of you. Also, this is a good time to bond.
- Don’t air your dirty laundry – C always told me that our relationship was ours, and no one else’s. I did not understand this until when we once had an argument and I told one of our friends about it. It then made sense. Unless it gets to a point you cannot handle, aim to deal with your issues just between you.
- Don’t go to bed angry – Sometimes it’s hard. But well, there’s a reason this is said. Try and sort your issues out.
- Remember you’re in it for the long haul – Marriage is a serious thing. It is not one of those things you just get into and then get out of ivyo tu. It is a decision you need to be 100% on board with because when the going gets tough, you need to remember that you are in it to stay.
- Remind each other why you got married – Marriage is not just based on love. There’s more to it – this applies to relationships too. Constantly reminding each other why you are together will get you through the bad times especially – because they will definitely be there.
- You both will change – a lot – I am not the same person I was 4 years ago when I first met C. I have changed physically, mentally and even spiritually. This also happens in marriages. Through it all though, strive to grow closer even as you change. Change is inevitable.
- It’s not whether you’ll fight, it’s how you fight – Just like relationships – not just the romantic ones, you will fight. How you fight and handle it at the end of the day is what matters.
- You will argue about your children – Sometimes mom is so convinced of something about one of us, while dad has a more open approach that has made them unable to agree on certain issues. That’s just how it is.
- If you don’t talk to each other when your kids are growing up, you won’t have anything to talk about when they are gone – If they didn’t speak to each other when we were kids, I am sure they would have gotten bored of each other especially now when we are all out of the house. So start off as friends even as you raise your children. When they’re gone, it’s just going to be the two of you.
- You can’t change someone else; including your spouse – Love them just as much as you did when you got to know them – if not more.
- It’s important to have your own interests, but you still need to do things together – Take the time to bond and literally keep the fire burning.
- Sex is important – Don’t ask me how I know this lol
- Intimacy is even more important than sex – This too. Thank you, next ?
- Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do – It’s about compromise.
- Don’t judge your relationship based on other people’s relationships – #Couplegoals is overrated.
- Make choices that your spouse will respect – Be wise.
- You can do anything with the support of your spouse – “I got you,” these words get me all the time. See what I did with the words, no? ?
- It’s important to recognize the things your spouse does for you, even the little things – Be grateful and thankful.
- It takes two to make a marriage work – Teamwork
- Sharing finances is important – Don’t let the man do it all, or the woman, you are a team.
- Don’t forget to laugh, have fun, and be silly together – Memories are made of these.
- Remember to say, “I love you.” – I love hearing these words, over and over. Appreciate your spouse.
I literally feel like a form of doctor love.? This is what I have seen work for my parents. Every marriage and relationship is different, and although some may be applicable to you, some may not. Choose what works and stick to it.
Marriage is a gift.
Until next time, all my love