I got into my first relationship right after high school. I had turned 18 years and two months old when this happened – just about to join uni. This boy who was a former school mate who expressed how much he liked me and had had a crush on me those many years back. Although I never had a crush on him or even seen him in that way, we became boyfriend and girlfriend. Just like that!
It didn’t last too long because he had to go to uni a few months later and that was it.
For me, every relationship has been a lesson.
I had this whole idea of dating in my mind, which was far from reality. Many times, I wish I could go back and have a real conversation with my young self.
Here are a few things top of my list that I wish I would have known back then…
It is not a fairytale
I imagined that my prince charming and I would live happily ever after. Blame this on the movies I watched and wish that it was us. I would picture ourselves there, and wish that my boyfriend did this – or at times try doing it.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that it does not exist. You can be happily dating, but the whole process is not a fairytale. There are times you will fight and not want to even see your partner – and that should not scare you.
Don’t try to be who you think the other person wants you to be
My first boyfriend would always ask me to do something, and if I said I couldn’t, he would always say, “Oh yeah, that’s because your parents are this and this.”
Once when this guy said those comments, I wanted to prove him wrong and I ended up doing just what he wanted me to do and didn’t think I would have the guts to do.
It wasn’t worth it.
Be you. Let your partner love you for who you are, and not somebody you are trying to portray.
Knowing your worth is essential
You know when you are dating a married man/woman and they keep on telling you they will leave their wife/husband for you? Never believe that.
In my case, it was slightly different. I had dated this guy for about eight months when he decided to call it quits. We later got back together and I thought everything was behind us. Only for him to tell me he has a girlfriend he wants to leave and…
When I realized it would never happen, I walked – and we’ve never spoken since then.
This was not the life I wanted for myself.
To date, I do not compromise. If I know this person will not be good for me, or we don’t have similar values and this might be a problem, I do not waste my time.
Don’t compromise yourself – You’ve gotta love yourself.
If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work
With the end of a relationship comes certain feelings of how things would have been different if you had taken a certain approach. Then there are times you find yourself thinking of getting back together and try working it out.
What I have learned this far is that if it is meant to be, it will be. Don’t sweat it.
You can’t force someone to feel something
If someone runs out of love with you today, you can’t force them to feel that love again. Their feelings are theirs and all you can do is be better for yourself.
Don’t force situations or relationships. What is meant to be will work out perfectly well for …you.
But then again, don’t give up so easily.
Lastly, sexual purity gets harder, not easier…
Please do share your top dating advice and what you have picked along the way.
Until next time, all my love.