I was in this relationship once, which I did not realize was unhealthy until I was out of it. I honestly do not know what I was doing in it. I have spoken a little about it on my Podcast and yes, head over and listen!
Anywho, looking back, I shouldn’t have gotten into that relationship in the first place. It was like a rebound for me that I thought would turn into something serious but well…
For the few months I was in that relationship, I wish I had spoken sense to myself. But then again, they say love is blind.
And the funny thing is, we only realize some of these things when we are out. I look back and I’m like “Wueh ghel, you were dumb!”
For me, these are the things I wish I could have told myself when I was in that unhealthy relationship, that maybe you (or someone you know) needs to hear:
1. If you doubt it, end it
There were so many times I was not sure of the relationship. So many times I saw things that compromised my values…But because I thought I could tolerate them, I stayed on. I would always come up with an excuse as to why it would maybe work out.
Honestly, just like in any decision, if you doubt the relationship, it probably isn’t the right one.
2. ‘No’ is not a dirty word
Every time I would agree to do something that I didn’t feel like, I always called it ‘compromise.’ See I’ve always known that in every relationship, (not just romantic), compromise has to exist. Problem is when you realize that you are compromising in almost every situation because you don’t want to be the bad person in the relationship
Compromise and empathy are crucial, but so is respect for each other’s wants and needs. Having boundaries does not make you a bad person.
3. No one should ever make you worry more than they make you smile in a relationship
Relationships go through highs and lows. But are there more lows than highs in yours?
How many times have you been sleepless, confused or even worried because of stuff your partner said/did?
You may be ignoring other signs, but if you are unhappy, that is not the right person for you.
4. 9/10 times people do not change
This particular relationship went fast. And we only got to know more about each other while already in the relationship – which I had no problem with. Thing is though, there are things that I learned he did, that I was not 100% on board with. In my mind, once I talked to him about them, he would change.
And that’s exactly what I did. He said he would change but two weeks later, we would be in the same spot. It was a circle of the same things over and over.
People have to be willing to change. Staying in a relationship hoping someone will change (especially if you’re not married) may not be the best for you.
5. If someone treats you like an afterthought, they do not love you
When the relationship is new and all yes, there is that excitement and all that soon wears out. However, what it is replaced with can either be true affection or the complete opposite.
Maybe this is me being a little dramatic but after the excitement wore off in one of my relationships, it became normal, until eventually, this guy would only text me when he wanted something. Whenever it was me who needed something, I would have to wait until he felt like he needed to do it. I realized this and well, did the same.
Point is someone who doesn’t respect you now, probably never will.
6. Understand that love does not look like this
We often confuse love for a lot of other emotions – comfort, addiction, and even infatuation.
Love is patient, love is kind… and so much more. With healthy love, there is patience, respect, trust, and commitment.
Realize what love actually looks like and don’t mistake it for anything else. Follow your heart…But take your brain with you.
From all the relationships you have had, what lessons did you leave with?
Until next time, all my love