Years ago, I met this man who swept me off my feet. At my young age, he was everything I had envisioned (or so I thought). Let’s face it, I had no idea what kind of man I wanted (other than tall, dark and handsome – which he was). Every other quality I thought I wanted was from my upbringing and movies – the ‘you are my better half’ kind of person. In the three years we were together (half of which was rocky), a part of me believed that he was my better half. The 50% of the relationship he brought to make it 100%. I had my plans, but so many times, I couldn’t do them at my time because he wanted things done quickly and in a certain way. The relationship became rocky when I realised I was losing myself in all of it.
Looking back now, I realise I was in love, forgetting myself and losing the half that made me a complete human. I had disappeared into myself and the relationship.
Love is blind, which makes falling in love an exciting feeling you can easily get caught up in. However, one lesson I learned from that relationship is that love and partnership should be amazing and should not come at your cost.
All too often, I am sure you have heard or even used the phrase(s), “You complete me,” “You’re my soulmate,” and “You are my better half.” Most of the time, these phrases are said from the point of genuine love. The words, however, have been instilled in us by romantic movies and books we have been exposed to that have and continue to shape how we think about and celebrate love. In addition, love for a long time has been seen not just as a beautiful part of life but as an achievement necessary to reach a level of fullness.
Truth is, you do not need anyone to complete you because you are not incomplete. You are a complete person. A healthy relationship is not made of two halves becoming one. Instead, it is made of two whole individuals with their own plans, dreams, hopes and ideas, choosing to navigate the rest of their lives together. In your relationship, do not lose yourself because holding on to yourself will make you a happier, better and more honest partner.
Relationships are a lot of work, and as humans, we constantly evolve. You will have new goals and plans that will shift you together and apart. But in it all, as you support each other, do not lose your light. Although this may scare off a few partners and make it seem harder to find one, you will be sure that those who find their way to you are the ones that are compatible with you.
So here’s to you for knowing that you are 100% complete on your own 😊